10 Things I Hate About The Undertaker

4. His Entrance Is Horribly Overplayed

10 Things I Hate About The Undertaker
WWE.com

It’s easy to take the p*ss out of Limp Bizkit. Half the time, Fred Durst and his amiable goons come off like some SNL-style parody of a d*ckhead rock band. However, The Undertaker’s dynamic entrance at WrestleMania X-Seven crapped all over Triple H’s live introduction by Motorhead.

We got the sound of ominous footsteps, a baritone “Dead Man Walking” and then the Dead Man opened up that massive motorcycle down that long, long ramp looking like Clint g*ddamn Eastwood on a pale horse.

All that, and it only took a single minute to get him from music to melee, unlike his p*ssbreak entrances these days.

It takes over three minutes to get the Undertaker to the ring and ready to ring the damn bell - and that’s without the Gregorian chants and so-called druids (seriously, does anyone in WWE know what druids actually were?). Half his matches these days are big, dramatic returns-to-action, where hooded cultists (much better) line the ramp with flaming torches or carry his coffin in for him, or whatever the stupid overwrought production calls for.

This is part of the problem with the Undertaker in 2016: these days, the Undertaker’s heavily choreographed, repetitive entrance is considered just as important as the stories he’s involved in, the promos they try valiantly to have him cut, or the in-ring action he participates in.

A recent case in point: in the build-up to this year’s match with Shane McMahon at WrestleMania, there was almost no point in The Undertaker being on television. He said and did nothing special, and didn’t help make the storyline or his participation in the match make any more sense. They did it purely so he’d show up, have that entrance and make everyone go 'WOOO DEAD MAN!'.

When your entrance is more important to the storyline than you are, it’s time to think about quitting...

Contributor
Contributor

Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.