10 Things That Absolutely SUCK About Wrestling Today
6. The Star Rating Chase Match
Shut the movez match down after Kenny Omega Vs. El Hijo del Vikingo. You can't beat that. You can't even join its level.
Nobody wants to draw comparisons to Rip Rogers, so the following copy will be phrased carefully, but there is a cheat code to drawing critical acclaim in wrestling - and it's getting really, really boring.
Whether going for a minimum of four stars, or a Twitter engagement farm account awarding it "certified banger" status, countless matches across virtually every wrestling company all follow a certain formula.
The performers - almost invariably wearing kick pads - are great athletes. They exchange chops. Forearm shots. The face, who wrestles almost identically to the heel, hits a split-legged moonsault and the heel, who wrestles identically to the face, doesn't appear to be winded because the collision is so slight. More chops. A top-rope or springboard attack is countered, but the counter is countered (and telegraphed, breaking the immersion). The babyface's big springboard to the outside is countered with a jumping strike. Flying nothing is countered with a dropkick. The big move that the face deploys to get back into the match is reversed close to the finish in one last cut-off before the comeback.
Not to single the guy out - he's promising, and years and years away from evolving into his final form - but with hindsight, Action Andretti has been pushed on TV at once too early and too late. He's green, and he's working a style that feels less fashionable and more soulless with every match. The super-indie hybrid fight forever match increasingly feels like a nu-metal album released in 2004.
It doesn't "suck," per se, but a lot of people are numb to it. The genre really is a tick-box exercise nowadays.