10 Things That Would Happen If WWE Put An End To Scripted Promos

3. Fundamental Change Happens...

Mountie Moxley
WWE.com

Rejoice!

Scripted promos are no more, pyro is back, and, having betrayed sleep for so many years, Vince McMahon has entered a state of deep, enforced hibernation.

As his father-in-law lays slouched in gorilla, mumbling "good-sh*t-poop-make-the-Revival-wear-pink-scarves-pal", Triple H carefully rearranges the product on a fundamental level. Tearing up the script quietly, so that Vince doesn't fart himself awake, laugh, and make everybody else do it in a burst of inspiration, Trips puts himself in a 25-minute WrestleMania match - and also affords his roster elusive, sink-or-swim agency.

Who swims?

Finn Bálor swims. Finn Bálor, as Prince Devitt, was an awesome, snappy heel, and it's ironic. He is at his happiest when he isn't smiling. He is unrecognisable now, but as the first Bullet Club leader, he was a quietly menacing, witty promo, interrupting his flow to tell any vaguely dissenting "d*ckhead" voices to "shut the f*ck up", before seamlessly resuming the braggadocios posturing with which he altered the very complexion of New Japan Pro Wrestling. His role made New Japan cool.

WWE made him compare Baron Corbin's wardrobe to that of a chain restaurant waiter.

Who else?

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Jon Moxley
 
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Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!