10 Times TNA Went Way Too Far

10. Abyss Straight Up Murders Rob Van Dam

While the odd foreign object has long been a staple of the wrestling finish, they€™re supposed to be used sparingly and creatively. That, at least, is the old school approach, that values the psychology of setting aside blood and mayhem for when it will make the most impact. We€™ll call that viewpoint the €˜Cornette€™, versus the €˜Zandig€™: the belief that a minute that goes by without hardway blood or a weapons shot is a minute wasted. TNA mainstay Abyss, a kind of ersatz Mankind/Kane hybrid, has his own ridiculously dangerous personalised weapon to match Mick Foley€™s €˜Barbie€™ €“ in this case, a massive board covered in nails called Janice. He also wielded his own branding iron, which he€™d nicknamed Bob. TNA€™s incessant plagiarism aside for the moment, €˜Janice€™ was clearly a ridiculous idea. What audience could buy the idea that a horrifying weapon like that would be used in a wrestling ring? Barbed wire and thumbtacks are one thing, but Janice could break a boy€™s heart. On August 12th 2010, that€™s pretty much what happened: after a brawl to close that special episode of Impact Wrestling, Abyss would drag professional Tigger impersonator Rob Van Dam backstage with him€ and when the camera cut to them moments later, Van Dam was lying prone with the monster heel standing over him cradling Janice in his meaty paws. With more than a little fake claret liberally splashed all over him, Van Dam looked like he€™d lost an argument with a lawnmower.

An obvious excuse to remove Van Dam from TNA programming for a little while, the angle was still fairly grotesque€ the implication that Abyss had finally snapped and actually maimed someone with a weapon torn from the closing minutes of a slasher flick was all kinds of wrong. Shouldn€™t he be, you know€ arrested? Shouldn€™t Janice and her hulking boytoy be on trial for attempted murder? Incidentally, €˜Bob€™ and €˜Janice€™ are the names of Dixie Carter's parents, who run Panda Energy International and are the real owners of TNA, which takes €˜all kinds of wrong€™ and adds a healthy side order of €˜completely inappropriate€™, to go.

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Contributor

Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.