Kaientai was a pretty normal stable during its early days in Japans Michinoku Pro promotion. They were a group of young Japanese wrestlers, consisting of Shiryu, Dick Togo, Mens Teioh, Sho Funaki, and Taka Michinoku, among other short-lived members. Togo, Teioh, and Taka would even make a brief appearance in ECW as bWo Japan. When the faction made its move to the World Wrestling Federation during the height of its Attitude Era, is when things started to become strange. Shiryu had gone to WCW to compete as Kaz Hayashi. Meanwhile, Dick Togo, Mens Teioh, and Funaki ventured to Titan territory. They were joined by their new manager, Yamaguchi-san, and swiftly began a feud with Taka Michinoku, who had already been in the WWF for some time. From there, Yamaguchi-san and Kaientai began to taunt Val Venis who was having an affair with Mrs. Yamaguchi. Famously, Yamaguchi confronted the big Valbowski by chopping a salami with a sword and yelling I choppy choppy your pee-pee! The next week, Venis teamed with Michinoku to take on Dick Togo and Funaki. Taka turned on Val, thus joining Kaientai. The group dragged Venis to the back and attempted to relieve him of his valuable asset. The lights went out and the audience was left wondering what happened. The next week, Val explained that Yamaguchi-san had narrowly missed as pseudo-celebrity and unintentional penile amputee John Wayne Bobbitt hit the lights, causing the distraction. Venis then ended his relationship with Mrs. Yamaguchi, and thus ended the feud with Kaientai. Dick Togo, Mens Teioh, and Yamaguchi-san would depart the Federation shortly thereafter, leaving Funaki and Taka Michinoku as the sole members of the group. As a tag team, Kaientai engaged in even more wacky hijinks, as they would cut scathing promos on their opponents before their matches. Except, the voices very obviously were not theirs, but instead were being dubbed in as Michinoku would badly lip-sync. Further, his promos would always end with a long-winded, drawn out, EVIL followed by Funakis lone statement, Indeed! Michinoku would be gone from the Federation by late 2001, while Funaki would stick around for another 9 years in various capacities, including as Smackdowns self-proclaimed number one announcer.
Douglas Scarpa is a freelance writer, independent filmmaker, art school graduate, and pro wrestling aficionado -- all of which mean he is in financial ruin. He has no backup plan to speak of, yet maintains his abnormally high spirits. If he had only listened to the scorn of his childhood teachers, he wouldn't be in this situation.
