10 Ways WWE Hasn't Learned From Its Mistakes

4. WWE Champions Are Also Lame Stand-Up Comedians

The Miz x2
WWE.com

^Seth Rollins there, pointing out the only thing less funny than his patter: a visual gag on the Titantron.

Back in 2004, as an unpopular struggling babyface, Randy Orton did "a bit" where he mocked Triple H by adopting a caveman voice. You see, Randy Orton was tasked with defending the World Heavyweight Title against Kane six days removed from the big Unforgiven match. This was Triple H's doing, and Orton knew that. He knew that which was up, and called Trips out on it by rolling his eyes into his head, jutting out his jaw, and saying a in a low, primitive monotone: "Kane strong, grunt grunt. He beat Randy Orton, grunt grunt!"

It was preferable to death, as an auditory experience, but only just.

Orton even did the eyebrow, before smiling and adopting the "But seriously..." pose because they wanted him so desperately to be The Rock. They want them all to be The Rock: a cool, funny guy who makes millions of f*cking dollars.

Seth Rollins isn't a cool, funny guy who makes millions of f*cking dollars. He was Randy Orton in 2004 in 2019, when he mocked Brock Lesnar for being a "Godzilla-lookin' bastard". He did the lurching mannerisms and dumb voice too. There's a million Cena promos like this, too, but like f*ck are they getting watched.

Because they all want them to be The Rock.

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Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!