10 Wild Outside Bets To Win The 2022 WWE Royal Rumble

8. Von Wagner

vON wAGNER
WWE.com

If you were to write a book about this modern chapter of WWE, you'd only need a single illustrated page on which the image of Von Wagner is printed.

His very being is an encapsulation of the promotion's new/old, untenable directive.

No longer are capital G, capital W Great Wrestlers who wear kick pads required. Years of training and learning the dark arts of getting over with the audience are simply years wasted not learning the WWE playbook, which at this point is a two bullet point document:

1) Gain a one-dimensional attribute.

2) Stare at one's hands when an opponent kicks out of one's signature move, which never puts anybody away.

What's happening to Von Wagner is a bit cruel. The guy is not remotely comfortable on camera, since he's green as goose sh*t, and his nervousness manifests in thoroughly bizarre shouting promos. He has become a meme, with his...distinct way of speaking, and his general lack of presence is such that he looks vacant more often than not. Like somebody has forgotten to start him up.

To be nicer than that, the guy is fairly explosive and while raw can actually go. But he distills the petulant desperation of post-NXT WWE because he's set for the big push, despite being frightened of the stage, simply because he's really, really tall.

That's it.

Just tall.

Probability: 40%

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick (Creative Writing BA Hons) is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over a decade of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential UK institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!