10 Wild Predictions For Kurt Angle’s Big Secret
1. He's Lactose Intolerant
'IT WAS ALMOND MILK, AUSTIN! IT WAS ALMOND MILK, ALL ALONG!'
Powered by calcium, Kurt's entire wholesome facade would be shattered should it turn out that he was never able to drink milk all along.
Well, of course it wouldn't, but it would make for a ludicrous final twist to the absorbing mystery if such a non-story had been enough to send the wobbly General Manager off the deep end for months.
WWE have been guilty of delivering horrendous 'comedy' payoffs to significant storylines in the past, and the prospect of a rueful Kurt taking the ring for Monday Night Raw's closing segment to admit what he believed to be his great shame would just be another bait-and-switch to add to their substantial list.
Corey Graves could be an incredulous bystander, consistently strung along on the idea that the dark secret was something truly terrible, only for bumbling buffoon Kurt to argue that something this trivial was in fact incredibly serious. Questions of his mental state would then be raised, leading ultimately to The Authority removing him from his post with alleged worry for his unravelling state.
Only then would he snap out of it, flicking the 'Wrestling Machine' switch to dominate Triple H with an anklelock, kicking off their programme to mark his return to the ring.