10 Wrestlers Set For A Big Push Following WrestleMania 35

Back in February, a list entitled 10 Candidates For WWE’s Bizarre Post-WrestleMania 35 Push was published as something of an exercise in satire - though it wasn't entirely flippant, since WWE has stunningly ineffective previous in this department.

Darren Young; the Shining Stars; Jinder Mahal: WWE typically experiments, as the wider storyline cycle begins anew, with guys who would need to aim a Bunsen burner into their own faces to even stand a chance of drawing heat. With the disastrous exception of Mahal in 2017, who terrorised the main event scene with his rank racism and only slightly less offensive plodding, basic in-ring work, this weird modern trope is a midcard curio that provides more list fodder for content creators than income for the recipients.

But, as has been the case for nine years, with WrestleMania comes part-timers.

The contingent this year - Triple H, Batista, Brock Lesnar, Shane McMahon, and presumably John Cena - share 230 years between them. This, coincidentally, is the projected run-time of 'Mania's 16-match show. Once it is over, and we have arisen from our deep slumber to feed on the ample, over-stuffed bosom of WWE's ludicrous schedule once more, WWE will need to replace the outgoing veterans with young blood not Nicholas, Vince, you dinosaur.

Consider this speculation deduced through precedent...that we're not charging you $11 for.

Lacey Evans admirably performed her version of the John Cena Five Moves of Doom bump routine at the Royal Rumble earlier this year; she fell over and immediately got back up with a sense of urgency, only to fall emphatically to the mat once more.

The problem is that she wasn't meant to be bumping for John Cena. She was meant to be on offence.

Against Natalya.

Lacey is armed with a certain presence, but more importantly, a certain look beloved of the two ageing perverts at the helm. She is blonde, she is conventionally attractive, and she is statuesque. There is but one drawback, in that she is southern - the realisation of which might explain why she was ordered back to Gorilla suddenly at Elimination Chamber - but all reports point to a major push on Lacey's horizon.

Dave Meltzer has reported that WWE sees a real marketability in Lacey, on account of her background as a U.S. Marine, which is f*cking weird, since she portrays a lady of high society. Her character is tonally, totally at odds with the background WWE wishes to exploit, but parsing any logic from Lacey Evans, who simply walks out and back again with no explanation, is physically painful. WWE wishes to push a performer woefully unprepared for the role because that performer is deemed cosmetically pleasing. That makes perfect sense.

Well, it makes no sense, but it makes WWE sense.