10 Wrestlers That Knew They Were Saying Something Stupid As They Said It
It wasn't just Stone Cold Steve Austin that asked "...What?"
It may not look or feel that way when your least favourite Raw or SmackDown starts another woefully-scripted promo with "Tonight..." and reduces literally every single action to bad banter, but WWE have always strived for believability from their primary orators.
Hulk Hogan's overblown theatrics were of-the-time enough to resonate as real in Ronald Regan's America. The Ultimate Warrior's bullsh*t was blatantly just that, but better listening to a wild-haired wildman talking about rocket fuel than a life coach in a snapback giving it big ones on destrucity. John Cena couldn't connect with half the audience at various points but the other half bought into it so literally that Vince McMahon's running football leagues with the profits today.
Believability has transcended generations. From Eric Bischoff's broom to Renee Young's pet groomer, the company have even hired their announce teams with the principle thinking that if they can successfully sell something - anything - with convincing tone and believable poise, they'll be a perfect fit.
They're traits they need from their wrestlers too, not least when they're being given manure to flog as ice cream. Getting a concept or an idea over isn't the easiest when it's good, let alone when it's not...
10. Bret Hart Speaks The Tooth, The Whole Tooth And Nothing But The Tooth
Bret Hart's the best.
"...there is, was and ever will be" was the catchphrase, but like everything else he did, it was real. He respected professional wrestling as an art form, a sport and a business and knew how those three pillars informed one another. It's a crime mainstream America didn't buy into the overall product when he was atop it - the figures simply don't tell the full story of his stewardship over a smaller but perfectly formed hardcore audience still investing in a product without Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage et al.
Art form, sport, business. Sometimes he had to dance with a dentist, make it look like a fight, and sell tickets and pay-per-views. What chance did he really have?
"Issac Yankem, Jerry Lawler...you're both the tartar and the abscess of the World Wrestling Federation and tonight, I'm gonna be your personal hygienist" he'd say, whilst clenching his fist and waving it. "The Hitman is gonna perform oral surgery on you with two of the most dangerous tools in the World Wrestling Federation" he'd say, whilst clenching both fists and waving them. "You big tooth fairy!" he'd say, whilst clenching his whole body and waving goodbye to a bit more credibility.
Frustrated wasn't the g*ddamn word for it. That was bullsh*t.