10. Vince McMahon To Purchase Newcastle United Football Club
Vince McMahon and Newcastle United Football Club owner Mike Ashley are two different breeds of awful capitalists.
Both are disgraces to worker's rights, but where Mike Ashley is an overweight slug who refuses to sanction any new recruits for a dying football club, preferring instead to gobble up the cash for himself, Vince McMahon is an impressive physical specimen who rains cash all over the Independent scene, preferring monopoly over gluttony.
Ashley signs nobody, where McMahon signs everybody.
The 2011 rumour intensified, as rumours do, following fleeting, thin interest from son Shane McMahon, who reportedly fancied investing in the club as part of a consortium bid. Made grimly, hilariously viable through the dual insanity of both prospective buyer and the circus that is the property, this never did come to pass - but if it had, Vince probably wouldn't have fashioned NUFC as the recognised global leader in soccer supremacy.
Having relinquished his promotional genius, Vince would have used the Saudi money to purchase Cristiano Ronaldo and Leo Messi, playing them at centre and left back, respectively, sanctioning also transfers for Kylian Mbappé, Paulo Dybala and Antione Griezmann, only to leave them rotting on the bench as reserves for the centre forward partnership of Peter Crouch and Adebayo Akinfenwa.