10 Wrestling Matches You Should NEVER EVER Watch

Avert your eyes before gouging them out.

Triple H Scott Steiner
WWE.com

There are certain, legendarily awful wrestling matches that you absolutely should watch.

A sh*tty pro wrestling match is good for the soul. Something like Hollywood Hogan Vs. The Warrior, from WCW Halloween Havoc 1998, is perversely entertaining to re-watch on its own merits, but is also a cleansing experience for those disappointed by their old childhood hero's fall from grace. The entire farce was booked in order for Hogan to avenge an old loss that hardly mattered, eight years later, and the man couldn't get his heat back when he had a literal fireball in his hand.

A sh*tty pro wrestling match is cathartic, and it's also useful to exercise perspective. It's difficult to get excited about a legitimately well and hard-worked ***1/2-level match, since so many **** efforts are worked on a weekly basis. It's practically disrespectful, but Trish Stratus & JBL Vs. Christopher Nowinski and Jackie Gayda help elevate the merely very good. It is exceptionally, magnificently awful: Gayda is in a different time zone to Stratus, and after one brutal exchange, the senior pro relays an instruction to the greenhorn behind her hand. Given how quickly Gayda exits the ring, that instruction, presumably, is "Get the f*ck out of the ring".

But some matches that newer fans may have read about, in this content sphere, should never be watched, for they somehow extract "bad" as a redeeming feature...

10. Gerald Brisco Vs. Pat Patterson - WWF King Of The Ring 2000

Triple H Scott Steiner
WWE

Before locking horns, which Jerry Lawler miraculously didn't weave into a pun, Pat Patterson was shown selecting his outfit ahead of his Evening Gown match with scorned stooge Gerald Brisco.

"If I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right," he reasoned - "it" being an humiliating three-minute long gay joke. The production choice to have Brisco enter to 'Real American' with a 2x4 was fairly amusing - our old fellas are meant to be jokes! - but that was the height of the comedy. Patterson entered to camp cabaret music before sexually assaulting Howard Finkel, get it, because the old rumour is that he was a voracious predator.

He grabbed a microphone and addressed his opponent. "You know all these people want you and I to go at it real bad," he said. Get it? He meant anal sex!

After deceiving Brisco into an embrace, Patterson aimed a knee in his balls and shoved a banana in his mouth. Get it? It symbolised his c*ck!

In the face of such ass-shaking, sanitary towel-smearing farce, Jim Ross could barely conceal his disgust, equating this match with the work of the Lucha Brothers.

In this post: 
Triple H
 
First Posted On: 
Contributor
Contributor

Writer, podcaster and editor. Deft Punk. Author of Becoming All Elite: The Rise of AEW, which is available to purchase at the following link: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Becoming-All-Elite-powerful-Wrestling/dp/B09MYSNT71