10 Wrestling Matches You Should NEVER EVER Watch

9. Theodore Long Vs. Eric Bischoff - WWE Survivor Series 2005

Triple H Scott Steiner

"We're gonna have ourselves a sh*tty match, playa!"

An early pilot for the Under Siege events that unfold nowadays - incredibly, as the camera swept across the arena, it captured two fans holding competing signs supporting both brands - the 2005 Survivor Series saw RAW and SmackDown compete for brand supremacy, and regrettably, this manifested in a match between respective General Managers Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long.

In the early going, Long ducks a Bischoff clothesline, but because he's so sh*tty, it looks like he's trying to manoeuvre himself through a crowded train platform. In the rain. As you'd expect, in lieu of the wrestling they can't do, Bischoff does some karate stuff, Long dances about, does the Karate Kid crane bit, and the guy who JBL bullied out of the comedy distracts the ref. Long escapes a choke hold to strike Bisch with his shoe, but he's ordered to sell like such a beached whale sack of sh*t that nobody wants the comeback.

There is but one, faint moment to savour. Michael Cole at one point buries the RAW announce team. "You got three guys talking all over each other. At least you've got two guys who can tell a story out here."

*Narrator*: ...

Mercifully, Eric Bischoff did less work than he did as Executive Director of SmackDown, and so this lasted just over five minutes.

In this post: 
Triple H
First Posted On: 

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and surefire Undisputed WWE Universal Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!