10 Wrestling Matches You Won't Believe Happened In 2019

9. Clusterf*ck Battle Royal - GCW Spring Break

Joey Ryan Ken Shamrock Impact
GCW/FITE

The Clusterf*ck Battle Royal has become a WrestleMania Weekend tradition, though it's odd to position 'Clusterf*ck Battle Royal' and 'tradition' in the same sentence: it is as removed from tradition as Vince McMahon is from the marital bed.

The collection of pro wrestling talent in this one match, simply, was deranged.

A randomised Wikipedia search of a match, the expert technical skills of A-Kid were countered by the disgusting ultra-violence of Necro Butcher, who went an hour, for reasons inexplicable. Essa Rios and Crowbar were plucked from Parts Unknown. Tracy Smothers and Teddy Hart technically wrestled in the same match. Cryme Team made a popular cameo appearance. This year's Clusterf*ck featured the weirdest, why-the-f*ck-not range of workers spanning decrepit legends, genuine main event prospects, and nazis, which spoiled the party atmosphere somewhat. Sexxxy Eddie at one point pulled down his trunks and cupped his c*ck and balls as he performed a moonsault.

It was a big daft load of old sh*te designed to provoke a relentless, never-ending stream of cheap pops, but damned if Crowbar can't pull off a top-rope Frankensteiner in 2019.

Swoggle's face was mangled with needles, nWo Sting and Mantaur appeared, and after a while, it was rather like Homer Simpson on that donut machine in hell: after watching this, all you wanted to do was sit down with some Dory Funk F*cking Junior.

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!