10 WWE Stars With Laughably Bad Music Careers

1. Sgt. Slaughter

Jeff Hardy Guitar
WWE.com

We arrive lastly at 'Sgt. Slaughter And Camouflage Rocks America'. Sarge was something of a budding entrepreneur in the 1980s, associating his brand with that of G.I. Joe. He also tried his hand at rock music and, being a wrestler by trade, was pure sh*t at it.

Barking over a song entitled 'The Cobra Clutch', that song is good in a so-bad-it's-good peak '80s cheese sort of way. Machine gun drums. Crashing cymbals. Racing synths. Squalling guitars. A caterwauling crooner rhyming "Look out everybody, 'cause it's comin' here today" with "It's a man who stands for freedom, and the American way". Slaughter is conspicuous by his absence, until he grunts "cobra clutch" after the real lead singer does all of the heavy lifting:

Singer: "Sgt. Slaughter, everyone is behind you / Sgt. Slaughter, you defend our red white and blue / 'Cause you love everybody in this land so much / But if somebody puts down America, they better be beware..."

Slaughter: "...of the Cobra Clutch!"

If Shawn Michaels Vs. Sid from Survivor Series 1996 was a song, this would be it.

There is, according to Google, a dance remix to this song. And you thought Bret Hart Vs. Tom Magee was the buried treasure of pro wrestling.

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Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!