5. Goldust Vs. The Blue Meanie (St. Valentine's Day Massacre)
If the idea of Blue Meanie completely naked save for a boatload of blue paint and skimpy robe, lying seductively on a sofa while cutting a promo on Goldust is something you consider quality build for a pay-per-view match, you will love the opener of St. Valentine's Day Massacre 1999. For the sane, though, the first match of the Attitude Era favorite event represents an awful idea from Vince Russo, who was otherwise hitting on all cylinders as a writer at that point. Goldust, master of the mind game, had found himself on the receiving end of his own tricks, pushed to the edge of sanity by the former member of the b.W.o. How anyone thought that story made for a quality opening contest, designed to such fans in and give them a taste of things to come later in the night, is a mystery. In fact, if the event was free, those tuning in to see the face-painted freaks probably would have flipped the dial and ignored it completely. Unfortunately, fans paid money and had to endure a match uglier than Meanie in those cutoff shorts before hitting the good stuff later in the broadcast.
Erik Beaston is a freelance pro wrestling writer who likes long walks in the park, dandelions and has not quite figured out that this introduction is not for Match.com. He resides in Parts Unknown, where he hosts weekly cookouts with Kane, The Ultimate Warrior, Papa Shango and The Boogeyman. Be jealous.
