5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (August 31)
3. Dispatches From AAA TripleMania
An almost literal sh*t-show, AAA presented its version of WrestleMania last weekend, and if you thought WWE commentary was bad, you wouldn't be wrong, exactly. Or at all.
Michael Cole is an insufferable soundboard WWE might as well release and replace with a cheaper machine; Jonathan Coachman couldn't locate an insight if he offered to sexually harass it; Corey Graves is just a bit of a d*ck now, let's face it; Tom Phillips is acceptable, and thus the very best the main roster has to offer; Byron Saxton is a weird, weird dude who is, nonetheless, Not Jonathan Coachman.
But this was somehow worse.
The show itself was a haven for botches, what with all the diving onto spectators, blade jobs captured on camera, and Vampiro's complete inability to grasp what a microphone does, or how a ladder match works, or Twitch, the service on which the show was broadcast, or virtually anything. Low-key best moment: Vampiro, who is to AAA what Triple H was to WWE in 2003, couldn't even work out that his commentary booth was tucked away in the corner of the screen. Whenever the camera honed in on the commentary teams, he found himself in the corner, and tried to get in on the action with a David Brent-ian desperation. He threw the toys out when Matt Striker located the camera before him, and said he was "probably one of those kids in the #MeToo movement".
Striker proved the perfect partner, and by that, we mean he was almost equally awful.
He said the most nonsensical thing possible following the other most nonsensical thing possible. AAA ran an angle in which Vamp was called out to the ring. He refused to answer the challenge unless his music played, which didn't happen for about three minutes. "Where's the f*cking music?! Please, for the love of f*cking God, put my music on" he said. When he should have just shut up, Striker did what Striker does, and blithered. "Vampiro, a true professional, waiting for the cue to let the fans in the building know that he has had enough". On the same show, Vampiro had the gall to question the worked punches thrown in other promotions, like this wasn't contrived.
The second most nonsensical thing on the show? Vampiro let one out so loudly that it rippled through the airwaves.
Matt Striker: worse than sh*t confirmed.