5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Jan 12)
4. What Language Does Asuka Speak?
From migraine-inducing to groan-inducing, Monday's RAW featured the very worst of its patently scripted backstage segment format, in which Alexa Bliss attempted to manipulate "best friend" Nia Jax. Jax might be related to The Rock - but she does not share the same acting gene.
Bliss asked Nia how paramour Enzo Amore was "doin'". "He'll be fine - not like you care," she said, delivering a terrible line and a roll of the eyes more suited to a Peter Engel production than a pro wrestling broadcast. Using the flattery-gets-you-everywhere approach, Alexa put Nia over to a hyperbolic extent of which Michael Cole would be proud. "You're strong. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're the irresistible force. You can literally do anything!"
Except wrestle a decent match, evidently. Or react to a line read as if she isn't a tree. Or deliver lines as if she isn't a tree. Bliss, normally very good even at this sort of tripe, was similarly crippled by its awfulness. "A lot of people think that the real Royal Rumble favourite is that Empress Of Nothing, Asuka."
"The Empress Of Nothing".
20-odd writers, and they can't come up with anything better than that? Anything less lame and unimaginative? It is pathetic that this passes for entertainment. Pathetic. It got worse; Alexa seemed to successfully manipulate Nia by claiming the Empress had talked behind her back - before the mastermind revealed the folly of the strategy.
"Asuka doesn't speak English!" she said. Except she does. Quite often.
She must have called everything in the ring for Nia at TakeOver: The End, too, since she is absolutely useless in there.