5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (May 19)
In which Randy Orton's credibility nosedives.
5 Star Wrestling promotor Daniel Hinkles has this week offered CM Punk a cool one million dollars to appear for his promotion, telling the UK Sun "We are hugely ambitious. When we ask the fans who they want to see, CM Punk’s name is on everybody’s wish list - and we’re willing to spend big to make it happen."
The problem is that 5 Star Wrestling is total chancer of a promotion forged from the ashes of a deeply awkward video game. To be fair to them, they managed to secure a decent UK TV gig in January of this year - on which it revealed itself to be totally hopeless in every conceivable department. The show began with eight names of various stature, among them Rey Mysterio and Carlito, taking it in turns to interrupt one another. Sound familiar? John Morrison drew the WWE-aping segment to a close by offering to relinquish his Five Star Title and put it up for grabs in a tournament. Why would any wrestler, face or heel, volunteer to do that?
Carlito treated the experience of working there with such disdain that he wore a Chris Masters t-shirt for the occasion, and that wasn't the height of the stupidity. Five Star didn't even know to situate fans on the hard camera to create the illusion that more than a handful of people turned up.
The thought of Punk diving into such a literal sh*tshow is crazy...
5. Erm, What's Going On With Erick Rowan?
Talking Smack is great. Who knew that performers could flourish when untethered by scripted shackles? Near enough everybody industry professional not currently tied to WWE and thus not scared of speaking up, but that's besides the point.
On this week's edition, Erick Rowan didn't so much flourish as baffle the sh*t out of everybody who watched. "I wanna show you something," he began, taking a seat by Shane McMahon and Renee Young. "I wanna show you something that I made." He didn't pull out a prized bottle of wine; he was only a vintner for about a fortnight in 2014, the last time he went solo and WWE didn't have a clue what to do with him.
No, he draped a burlap sack on the table and removed from it something that made him smile - a clown mask. Isn't Bray Wyatt already IT, being the Eater of Worlds and everything? In any event, he then put on the mask and found a balloon (it just happened to be there, like tables under wrestling rings). He gave it to Renee and popped it in her face, laughing creepily before shuddering like he was in the middle of a long overdue p*ss. Looks like he's not obsessed with her any more.
In his brief WWE career, Rowan has portrayed a backwoods monster, a private investigator, and a savant. What this new gimmick is I have no idea. I suspect WWE don't, either.