5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Nov 23)
4. It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like James Ellsworth Is [REDACTED]
*James Ellsworth*
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James Ellsworth: "Snap?"
Right. Until the legal system is adhered to, we cannot say with real certainty if James Ellsworth, per the weekend's accusation, sent an unsolicited video of himself performing a sexual act to a 16 year-old girl he knew was 16. Whether he has fallen afoul of obscenity laws is not for the court of public opinion to decide. Besides which, sadly, the idea of a pro wrestler on the groom isn't really an insane development. Reminder that this article is brought to you from Great 'BritWres' Britain.
What is insane is the optimism behind Ellsworth's...seduction technique, as was leaked to Ringside News. It will not be linked here; it is very, very NSFW.
Now, as a man bearing a weak chin, I feel somewhat comfortable offering a spot of advice here: if you're not the most classically handsome dude, you're best off using a self-deprecating charm, a reasonable sense of humour, and or a quiet charisma to appeal to potential love interests. If you look, phrenologically, like an utter creep, it's advisable not to mimic cunnilingus if, in fact, you look like an alligator snapping turtle luring prey with your tongue.
Incredibly, James Ellsworth's role in Asuka's burial wasn't the most disgusting thing he's done all year!