5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Nov 30)
1. Monday Night RAW Absolutely F*CKING SUCKS Part 3
Monday's RAW was the most Vince McMahon show to ever Vince McMahon.
Dean Ambrose, on Chronicle, presented himself as a tortured soul who, unable to communicate his complex emotional issues, which have manifested as a wall built after an awful childhood, instead let them fester for years. This resulted in the ultimate transgression: upon learning that his brother had resumed his battle with a deadly disease, he unleashed his frustrations on his other brother. There was a bittersweet, nuanced pathos to all of this.
And then Vince McMahon assumed the director's chair. On Monday's RAW, because Vince McMahon, Dean Ambrose now despises - altogether now - "Each and every one of you!"
Ambrose despises these smelly people so much that he felt the need to inoculate himself from them. One such disease was "eboli", because getting the names of things mixed up is funny. He also received a rabies injection in his a*se cheek because, pal, it is gold.
We all grew tired of Dean Ambrose: Babyface Prop Comic. We are now suffering through Dan Ambrose: Heel Prop Comic. On rewatching that Drake Maverick entry, somebody in the comments section wrote that it's time for Bobby Roode to turn heel. Is it automatically going to be good? Back to the old NXT Glory days? Or is it going to be awful, or at least aggressively average, because the entire system is broken? They screwed up Daniel Bryan's comeback. They've screwed up Ambrose's heel turn. Aw hell diddly ding dong crap - these morons can't get anything right!
Further complaints, various:
- The babyface Lucha House Party use their own mystifying heel rules because they are little f*cking devious Mexican midgets, pal!
- You are not allowed to like anybody. Even house show opening act No Way Jose was battered and beaten.
- You are not allowed to like anybody. Do you like Seth Rollins? Here, have another f*cking Dolph Ziggler match you couldn't care less about. Do you like Finn Bálor? Well, here he is in the longest torture porn movie ever made, and judging by the smile on his face, he likes it!
- Do you like Bayley? Well, with her "I'd ship you back to hell, where you came from!" line, she is now a Sunday school student.
Running roughshod over the whole thing was Constable Corbin, an even worse authority figure than Jeremy Piven, who made up the rules as he went along to generate that sweet sweet hot hot heat heatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheat.
Legend has it that Baron Corbin is still standing tall.