5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Sept 7)
In which Joey Ryan's druids AREN'T the biggest d*ckheads of the week.
Monday's RAW was very bizarre.
Kevin Owens quit last week, having been psychologically tortured by Braun Strowman and taken to his physical limit by Seth Rollins in an agonising failed pursuit of his Intercontinental Title. Was he going to head on over to SmackDown Live, since he just switched brands last time? Was Paul Heyman the man to rehabilitate his fading career? Was he finally going to confront the broken man inside of him, realise the dark path he has taken leads only to failure, and turn to the side of good?
Nah, he just returned after one week to lay out a guy with whom he has shared no prior dispute.
This immediately followed a meditation segment in which the most humourless man on the roster once again played an ersatz John Cena to the sound of silence to "own" a peaceful comedy midcard act who last year was WWE Champion. The Shield were arrested and charged with a list of crimes, only to return to the arena in a riot van because Roman Reigns is Steve Austin this week, and not Daniel Bryan. The timing was as convenient as WWE promoting Evolution a week before the next Saudi Arabia, but that's RAW for you: a contrived mess.
On the subject of contrivances...
5. Feckless Finn Bálor
Cast your mind all the way back to the halcyon days of August 19, 2018, when WWE promoted SummerSlam.
Finn Bálor appeared as the star he demonstrably can be. The tired fans went apesh*t at the awesome sight of his hellscape of an entrance and Bálor himself - or at least, the idealised, protected, confident, unique version of the act. To use an overused word in the correct context, it genuinely felt epic.
But, on this week's RAW, he looked like a complete dipsh*t. Braun Strowman, just to clear up any remaining confusion, said that he "doesn't give a d*mn whether any of you people like it or not," which means he is a heel. WWE does not do "characters". It does matter how you receive them. Braun is a heel. The Shield, possibly annoyed by the fact that the last 18 months have meant nothing, stormed the ring, where they were attacked by virtually the entire roster under orders of Constable Corbin.
Finn Bálor was among their number.
He was decked immediately by Dean Ambrose and rendered the literal equal of Tyler Breeze, who was also shrugged off with the greatest of ease. Why would Bálor act on Corbin's orders, anyway? He's feuding with him. What a feckless sap he was made to look here. It was worse than unnecessary in that it actually detracted from the storyline. Corbin should have been pleased with him! And what did Bálor do, mere minutes after prostituting himself and suffering a kicking?
He sidled up to Baron backstage, like none of this had happened, and smiled like he was dead on the inside, like he always does. How can you believe in these characters? It doesn't matter.
WWE does not do "characters".