6 WWE Fastlane 2018 Results Predictions

Hogging the middle lane's for pr*cks.

by Benjamin Richardson
Fastlane Predictions 2
WWE

This is the fourth in WWE's Fastlane chronology, and so far the brand hasn't done much to establish itself as a much-anticipated occasion. It might be because the name still makes no bloody sense. Roadblock - now that is logical, if not a bit obviously crap. But moving into the outside lane on the road to WrestleMania surely hastens the journey, rather than presents an obstacle?

The show's characterised by this lack of careful thought, really. Just look at this year's card. It's largely flung together like some sort of unsubtle synchronised hammer throw, with most of the match-ups unable to justify their existence. Why does John Cena get another stab at WrestleMania relevance after failing in both the Royal Rumble and Elimination Chamber? Why is Dolph Ziggler... just why is Dolph Ziggler? And just what do the company hope to achieve in pitting the superpopular Rusev against the superpopular Shinsuke Nakamura - and on Rusevving Sunday, no less?

The answer to most of those questions is, "dunno lol." Case in point: the match graphics. WWE could not even be arsed with a proper background, settling on the most basic black-blue gradient fill instead. If they can't be bothered, why should we be?

Well, we're not. But here are some predictions anyway.

6. Shinsuke Spoils Rusev Day

Fastlane Predictions 2
WWE

It's Mother's Day in the UK today, but unless Rusev is your mother, it obviously takes a backseat to the Bulgarian Brute's big holiday. Sadly for him, WWE love to put the kibosh on a party. Besides which, it's Rusev, on a PPV - which can only mean one thing: it's time for Part 2 of No Fear, Sofia: Everything You Wanted To Know About Bulgaria:

Bulgaria, in common with a handful of other countries in the east Balkans and parts of Mesopotamia, is one of the few places where a nod of the head means 'no', and a shake means 'yes'. One national myth purports the gesture derives from Orthodox Bulgarians who refused to renounce to the insurgent Ottomans, doing so by nodding their heads up and down on the captors' swords in denial. With predictably bloody results.

Prediction: Predictable, but less bloody, result here. It's Nakamura, of course.

Editorial Team
Editorial Team

Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know). He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.