7 Reasons WWE Crown Jewel 2019 Is Going To Be A Disaster

At least nobody will drop The Undertaker on his head.

Crown Jewel

Sigh. Yes, it's that time again, when WWE remind all their remaining fans that they simply don't give a flying f*ck about them, as they once more prostitute their values, ethics, dignity and just about anything worthy for a giant barrel of the grubbiest money imaginable.

And by this point, unfortunately, so wearisome have we become of criticising Vince and co.'s completely immoral avarice, that we mostly just roll our eyes, sit through the sh*tshow, and hope at the very least it might generate some traffic.

Sustaining the secondary wrestling journalism industry is just about the only positive coming out of these hideous ventures.

Halloween's Crown Jewel sequel - can you believe they're reusing that name as though it's a legacy worth establishing? - is obviously going to be a pitiful affair, and another dark day in the company's recent history of umbra.

At the very least, The Undertaker - who has travelled to Saudi Arabia, and based on social media photos, is having the time of his life - isn't at risk of being actually killed on this edition. But that won't prevent it from being an overall disaster. It's almost designed to be.

7. A Mansoor For One Season

Crown Jewel

It's not that Cesaro isn't, in many ways, the perfect opponent for Mansoor, nor that the Swiss supremo won't put over the local hero to the absolute peak of his ability. It's the fact this contrived bit exists at all.

In every single city during their domestic loop, WWE make a habit of spitefully subjecting hometown heroes to defeat. It's telling that Saudi Arabia is the one exception.

For what it's worth, this'll be the feel-good moment of the night. But as with Super Showdown, that's precisely the point: to create the false impression that this deal isn't a complete disgrace from top to bottom, and that, hey, look how much it means to the locals.

After which we won't see Mansoor again until WWE's next female-free visit to the Kingdom.

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Editorial Team
Editorial Team

Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know). He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.