8 Match Star Ratings For WWE Fastlane 2021

Randy Orton spews goo, Alexa Bliss sits on his junk, and the Fiend has junks for fingers. WWE, eh?

Randy Orton Goo
WWE

The build to Fastlane was atrocious when it was bad and overthought when it was half-decent.

In developments that weren't sold as unprecedented in all of recorded history - i.e., with notes of sheer, terrified bewilderment - Alexa Bliss cursed Randy Orton to spew forth black goo. It was just a thing that happened to mild curiosity before gears were switched to the next storyline.

A few weeks back, Drew McIntyre defeated Sheamus clean in the middle in a great TV match pulsing with the specific animosity of two mates falling out. The end. They then went to a no-contest to set up a third rubber match - the first didn't even necessitate a second! - with no dramatic repercussions, since Drew was announced as Bobby Lashley's WrestleMania 37 opponent before Fastlane took place. Of course, Sheamus could have staked a claim to turn it into a Triple Threat, in the event of his winning, but who outside of the most deranged WWE ultras thought that was even remotely possible?

Edge, the Ultimate Opportunist - playing a veteran role that depicts him as even more wise in his old age - is now too dumb to realise that he already earned the opportunity at the Royal Rumble. His involvement at Fastlane, a dumb inconvenience of a pay-per-view, was as contrived as it was unnecessary.

The build sucked, as all WWE PPV builds do.

The show itself...?

8. KICKOFF: Riddle Vs. Mustafa Ali - United States Title Match

Randy Orton Goo
WWE.com

It was a Riddle match, so it was automatically impossible to emotionally invest in, but it was a Riddle match, so it was almost impossible to be bad on a detached, objective level.

The action was fine to very good in places, but whether it's a no-fans thing or whatever, and thus easier to spot, Ali broke the immersion by calling the match too obviously at times.

It wasn't anything anybody will remember next week. The formula is simply too deadening at this point. Ali scored a two-count near the midway point, and was shocked that the referee didn't count to three. Ali was shocked, and he also expressed his dismay at the ref, who must see the baleful eyes of WWE Superstars TM in his dreams. It was, at least, a less histrionic version of a mandatory spot. The obligatory rest hold happened, and then something awesome did: Riddle countered an Ali neck-breaker in midair and dropped him, seamlessly, with a rear-naked choke.

From there, the match built to a hot crescendo, with a lot of cool and creative sh*t exchanged at a blistering pace and with such convoluted sequencing that even the autopilots on commentary were popping daft.

A super Bro Derek finished it, and RETRIBUTION finished itself in the post-match after not being over for a single f*cking second.

RIP.

That time people thought they were good on Twitter will be remembered as amongst the darkest periods in modern wrestling history.

Star Rating: ★★★¼

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Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and surefire Undisputed WWE Universal Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!