Every kid who watched enough wrestling on TV eventually came to the conclusion that one day they would make amazing grapplers themselves. This is because every kid had their share of moments when they felt more clever or alert than the people in the ring. Of course, those little moments where people just seem (against all realistic odds) to neglect the obvious are simply the mortar that joins together all the various spots and plot devices being used. But dammit, I was a child! I swore that when I was a wrestler (named Viper, because kids,) I would never make such foolish mistakes as ignoring a sudden crowd pop with my back to my opponent, posing before a finisher or failing to dodge an ultra-avoidable attack. I swore an oath that every moment would get my undivided focus (y'know, like any other athlete.) I never got to theorise on why people made such silly errors in such high-stakes situations, because I was too busy taking mental notes that would one day lead me to championship gold. Damn you, Luke Williams. You ruined everything. What other wrestling questions consumed you as a child? Have some milk and cookies and get back to me in the comments!
CKUT radio host, underground lyricist, Michael Myers scholar and all-around world-class opiner. Signature move: Irony Bomb. Blood type: chai. Never seen in the same place and time as Logic Johnson, former featured columnist for Bleacher Report.
Hopelessly unfamiliar with Yellow Submarine.
