8 Wrestlers Who Faked Their Retirement

So pretty much every wrestling retirement ever, then.

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Wrestling retirements come in several forms.

There's the most noble - or the least mendacious - as bodies ravaged with injuries are finally forced to call it a day, not necessarily by the warped sensibilities of the performer in question, but by a trained and highly concerned medical professional. Sometimes, it's a few years - or decades - too late.

The second stage is the totally earnest, actual retirement when time has at last caught up, and it's possible to bow out with a shred of dignity in tact. Still love the business, it's given me everything, and I wish I could go on, all that, but now's the right moment to say goodbye, honest.

And on the bottom rung, there's the pretend retirement, a contrived piece of theatre designed to sell tickets and raise ratings, with absolutely zero intent of being honoured.

Arguably, and ironically, it's the most honest of the three. Ultimately, all have the same outcome: the performer put out to pasture is back in his boots before long. Sometimes, within the space of seven days.

At least these ones knew they were lying.

8. Kevin Owens

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So dramatic was Kevin Owens' fall from grace in 2018, from Universal Champion and best bud to a List-making Chris Jericho to a listing heel upended in a portable toilet, that he decided it was time to give up the ghost, prematurely.

After a losing tilt at Seth Rollins' Intercontinental Championship last August, KO sank his knackered body into a ringchair and told fans, "I quit."

And that was that. We haven't seen Kevin Owens again, having made good on his vow to leave the locker-room. Oh, what's that? Sorry, that's right: he returned a single week later, with absolutely no explanation whatsoever, blindsiding Bobby Lashley as if nothing had ever happened.

The worst thing about this latest episode of Boy Cries Wolf was that fans, so well-conditioned to WWE's non-linear narratives, didn't give the slightest fig about either the angle or lack of continuity.

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Editorial Team
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Benjamin was born in 1987, and is still not dead. He variously enjoys classical music, old-school adventure games (they're not dead), and walks on the beach (albeit short - asthma, you know). He's currently trying to compile a comprehensive history of video game music, yet denies accusations that he purposefully targets niche audiences. He's often wrong about these things.