Here is my real head / Here is my real head / I wear this f*****g mask because you cannot handle me That outpouring of emotion was the first time I began to learn about the real Brian Knighton, the man behind the mask, so to speak. The lyric quoted above from Marilyn Manson track Organ Grinder was one of Brians favourites and it describes him aptly. Everybody judged him by his appearance and the hardcore style matches he was famous for, they dismissed his talent, and in many ways dismissed him as a person as well because of that. Including me. When I heard that real emotion from a man so hurt by his past but so happy that he could tell his story and potentially help others, it opened my eyes. This was not a mindless and sadistic person who enjoyed inflicting harm on his fellow man in violent wrestling matches, this was a deeply intelligent and gentle soul who had been typecast by the few years of his life that were the most well-known. What few realised was that Axl Rotten was a mask, a gimmick and a persona that shielded his fragile psyche from the world. Unfortunately, it would also be a character that ultimately shortened his life. It is not clear when exactly Brian Knighton became consumed by Axl Rotten, but he personally believed it was during his days in ECW, a time when he went from an occasional drug user to a full-blown addict. Prior to getting into wrestling Brian had never touched drugs. His first dalliance came in WCW in 1991 when at the tender age of twenty he was handed the wrestler-favourite Soma by a locker room veteran and told to go enjoy himself and live the wrestler lifestyle. But he did not become an addict overnight. It was years later while he was in the GWF in 1993 that he next took anything, accepting an offer to snort cocaine with another one of the boys. His tag partner Ian Rotten witnessed that moment and believes it to be the start of Brians road to ruin: I look at our lives as one moment in time and this was a crucial moment in Axl Rottens life. I really think that experience was his gateway into a lot of other things. Talk about gateway drugs, he went from nothing right to cocaine. Even then, Brian would not actively seek out cocaine. As he told me for his book: It was never a case of if I didn't have it I would have to get it. However, if it was there and there was a pile on the table, I would snort it. All of it. I couldn't leave it alone until it was all gone. I never did anything in moderation, I went from zero to 10,000 in one second. That aspect of my substance use and abuse was the same regardless of what I was taking be it coke, pills, drink, or heroin. It was almost like my gimmick that I could do so much of this and that, but while it impressed the rest of the boys I was never proud of my high tolerance levels. It made me mad that others could do $10 worth of drugs and be on the floor when it cost me $100 to achieve the same buzz. However, that wasn't until later on. In 1993 what would eventually became my drug problem was still in its earliest stages. My use was still recreational, it wasn't my life. It wasn't until I was introduced to the rampant use of the ECW locker room that I became an addict. When Brians closest family member, his Grandma on his fathers side passed away, Brian started taking heroin. The drug changed him. The fun-loving, polite, sensitive, emotional, caring, kind man known as Brian Knighton was gone. In his place was Axl Rotten, a permanently wasted, belligerent, moody, deceitful, screw-up. He admitted that he would lie to his friends to get what he wanted and use them in any way he could to score heroin. He was a mess and ended up living on the streets. He hit bottom on numerous occasions and died for several minutes more times than his close friends who witnessed it would care to remember, but eventually he was able to bounce back and start to turn his life around. Then, one day, he couldnt get out of bed. He was paralysed from all the bumps his large frame had endured, and he was told by doctors he would never walk again. To Brian, that sounded like a challenge, not a diagnosis. Brian moved into a rehab centre where he not only kicked his drug habit but he also managed to walk again, unsteadily and with the aid of a cane, but walk nevertheless. He was buoyed by his success and determined not to slip again. For years after that, by all accounts, he was clean.
The author of the highly acclaimed 'Titan' book series, James Dixon has been involved in the wrestling business for 25 years as a fan, wrestler, promoter, agent, and writer. James spent several years wrestling on the British independent circuit, but now prefers to write about the bumps and bruises rather than take any of them. His past in-ring experience does however give a uniquely more "insider" perspective on things, though he readily admits to still being a "mark" at heart.
James is the Chief Editor and writer at historyofwrestling.co.uk and is responsible for the best-selling titles Titan Sinking, Titan Shattered, and Titan Screwed, as well as the Complete WWF Video Guide series, and the Raw Files series.
