If WWE Was Being Honest About Bray Wyatt’s Firefly Fun House

As the jaunty theme continued in its whimsical way, Bray Wyatt, once the evil boogeyman heel of WWE, entered through the door of the Firefly Fun House wearing a beaming smile. In a flash, that smile morphed into a piercing glare of suppressed menace as Wyatt shut the door behind him with a jarring, too-loud thud. Before that registered, he adopted the unsettling, bizarre facade once more, asking an imagined crowd of kids if they had missed him. “I missed you,” he continued, his eyes darting everywhere. “I knew we’d be together again someday. I saw it! In my dreams!” he said, with an uncharacteristic enthusiasm. Everything felt off; this, after all, was a horror villain masquerading as Pee Wee Herman in Mr. Rogers’ suburban get-up.

He welcomed us to his ‘Firefly Fun House’ before saying “Yowee Wowee, we’re gonna have so much fun here!”, only, he didn’t say it. Before reeling himself back into the pretence, the old Bray threatened to surface once more; he unleashed those nonsense words with the guttural roar of a black metal vocalist—before tempering himself back into a friendly, upbeat register.

In a jarring moment, as if the whole thing wasn’t troublingly incongruous, a weird visual wave effect and growling, droning sound design flooded the screen as Bray covered his face with his gloved hands, on which the words ‘HURT’ and ‘HEAL’ were written. He introduced us to his friends - Mercy the Buzzard and Penny the Witch.

And then, the masterstroke: a double-barrelled atonement. “Now,” he said, manoeuvring his jaw into a position of guilty contrition, “I used to be a very bad man.” His eyes shot downward. He gulped. This newly-über shredded Eater of Worlds looked like a toddler braced for discipline.

In that moment, you could believe him.

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