If WWE Was Being Honest About RETRIBUTION

With voice modulation effects, Dijakovic and Yim cut astonishingly cringeworthy promos in a parodic version of the WWE-speak they ought to have rebelled against.

The "locusts of contempt" threatened to "gut our reality" to avenge their time cast aside like "garbage" in the Performance Center. Penned, seemingly, by Beth Phoenix, these hysterically florid promos were written in a way that no human being would ever say. "[You left us to] survive in an unfair world where the powerful continue to grow and we are left to feed on nothing but the scraps of contempt," Yim said.

Thus, the group that would not exist, had the artefacts that comprise WWE management not saw the world on fire outside of Titan Towers, appear to have conflated grotesque societal inequality with, yes, working an excessive number of matches with Keith Lee on NXT. Mia Yim seems to hate Keith Lee, too, since she ruined his opportunity to challenge for the WWE Championship recently. Mia Yim and Keith Lee are married, as has been previously established in storyline canon.

The names, man. The names. T-Bar. Mace. Slapjack. The group in rebellion of WWE's "control" now come complete with their own WWE-mandated ring names. Then again, Dijakovic comes off so cringe that it wouldn't be a surprise if he'd dreamed them up himself.

"T-Bar". It sounds a bit like some indeterminate weapon, but mostly it sounds like a heavy in a New York street gang from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Toitles. Mace is at least somewhat germane to the thing this act is NOT inspired by. People had no clue what a "Slapjack" was - did... did they just name a dude after a pancake? - and so they sleuthed online. The Urban Dictionary yielded the following result: "The act of ejaculating on one's hand and then slapping another person in the face".

Might as well have called him C*m Hand Luke for how much everybody pissed themselves laughing at it.

CONT'D...(4 of 6)