Ranking Every Major Monday Night Wars Jump From WORST To BEST

13. Dustin Rhodes

X Pac WWE Debut
WWE Network

One of the most hilarious moments in the history of professional wrestling, [Rainier Wolfcastle voice] it wasn’t a comedy.

Dustin Rhodes played a character even more problematic than the gay panic predator that was Goldust. ‘Seven’ was a child molester, and it can only be inferred that this was classic LOLWCW stuff akin to naming a heel act after a plan for the mass genocide of the worldwide Jewish population. In a vignette, Seven hovered outside of a young boy’s window. “Awake, my son,” he said. “Come with me and live forever,” he followed up, before inviting the child to join him “in complete bliss, mmmm, that’s right”.

“Mmmm, that’s right” is what male pornographic actors say when satisfied at the fellatio prowess of their co-stars, for f*ck’s sake.

Rhodes played this character for about three minutes, before swiftly burying it on his debut. “My new name’s Seven, by the way,” he said with glorious deadpan, before rubbishing his ‘Uncle Fester’ look.

An incredibly dangerous waste of precious time: WCW, everybody.

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and surefire Undisputed WWE Universal Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!