The One War WWE Will Never Win

It's overwhelming. Promos are succinct, impactful, and don't have that fake, tedious, soupy soliloquy vibe. All have their own personality because they're not drafted from the same style guide. But it's clear even on the commentary booth. The gentle joshing, sprawling non-sequiturs and inside jokes are natural conversational rhythms. It doesn't feel remotely produced. It feels like a real thing commentated upon by real people.

WWE is far weirder than eyeball extractions and spider squishings, which Vince McMahon perhaps liked all along because the simple alliterative qualities of those phrases amused him.

It is also weird in your more traditional ways, like the damaging booking, laughably meaningless finishes and dreadful continuity. It is established that the WWE system is fundamentally f*cked. This point was illustrated using examples from the very recent past, and it's been going on years. Another more will guarantee more bullsh*t.

WWE only exists in reference to itself and its past because it is disconnected from reality like an eye from its socket. But there is no magically healing this - Christ almighty - globe luxation. Imagine going to the effort of finding the correct, very medical-sounding term for something so patently dumb as f*ck. What an example of WWE's insane priorities that is.

"We can't get the name of the injury wrong - we'll look stupid!"

And it is so deeply, deeply weird because it is curated by a 74 year-old that has never seemed so removed from a reality he may never have known.

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