The True Story Behind The WORST Wrestling Show In History

Sensational Sherri
Heroes Of Wrestling

Heroes of Wrestling opened with Samu and the Samoan Savage emerging victorious over Tommy Rogers and Marty Jannetty. The match wasn't f*ckin hott; it sank like a corpse in the Chattanooga river - or was burned to a crisp, or whatever fanciful bullsh*t that madman is spouting these days in a bid to stay relevant. Riddled with passé babyface tropes, the crowd couldn’t have given less of a sh*t about the oldest and easiest tricks. A long night awaited the unfortunate non-wrestling fan souls that bought a ticket, piqued by... something in the casino advertisements.

Greg Valentine, wearing a blank non-expression, made an immediate beeline to Sensational Sherri at the start of his match with George The Animal Steele. The idea was that she was his, and he was going to get her, and it's difficult to tell what's worse: the hammy, leering Benny Hill grin of your garden variety perv, or Valentine's bone-chilling determination. It was otherwise an unwatchable nothing match. Valentine spent longer on the outside than the lead singer of f*cking Staind. Of course, Sherri was the jezebel all along, in the one narrative thread that bound Heroes of Wrestling to the wrestling of the day.

Julio Fantastico vs. 2 Cold Scorpio - a botch-ridden shoulder shrug - was nonetheless a match of the year contender in contrast to the atrocity that followed it.

The Bushwhackers vs. Nikolai Volkoff & the Iron Sheikh bears the distinction of being the lowest rated match in the history of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. Dave Meltzer rated it, hilariously, as -459.4 (absolute zero). Prior to the opening bell, the Sheikh exercised with his "Persian Club" meels. He was better off jamming them into his legs and using them for cartilage. The man was immobile. Volkoff wasn't much better.

CONT'D...(3 of 6)

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Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and surefire Undisputed WWE Universal Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!