Trying To Make Sense Of WWE’s BIZARRE Booking Right Now

Let’s say, hypothetically, that this new fan is compelled to watch wrestling having witnessed the spectacular bombast of WrestleMania 35’s production values on social media, and is drawn to WWE now riding the crest of the buzz. This is your big moment, Vince.

Time to put smiles on those peoples’ faces!

On the night after WrestleMania 35, WWE Champion Kofi Kingston issued a challenge to new Universal Champion Seth Rollins. This new fan isn’t confused about there being two titles on the same show, because Michael Cole has helpfully pointed out that Kofi represents SmackDown several hundred times, so that’s good.

Later in the night, this match is disrupted by the Bar tag team. Cesaro and Sheamus must be their enemies, the new fan thinks, tragically unaware that, no, they were just strung along for two hours.

Oh, maybe this is a bit like Game of Thrones, where the audience expectations are subverted and their hearts are broken.

You don’t know the f*cking half of how right you are.

The new fan tunes in next week, perhaps incentivised by the cool athleticism of Finn Bálor Vs. Sami Zayn, or the angle in which that savage Becky Lynch character almost broke that baddie’s arm. They are confronted with the Superstar Shake-Up, and quite a lot more talking, which they do a lot, actually, come to think of it. As best this fan can tell, the wrestlers are moving between the two shows because. That’s it. That’s the explanation. Let’s listen closely, to the one they call “Cole”, who seems not to like this very much.

It’s as if he sounds forced? Captive? Is he trying to leave?

They all are, new fan. They all are.

Cole and the other two just keep saying that things need to be shaken up, as if this show absolutely f*cking sucks, or something? Does the show suck?

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