We Watched An Episode Of WCW Thunder To See If Eric Bischoff Can Save SmackDown

by Michael Sidgwick
THUNDER Vince Russo
WWE Network

Kronik defeated Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell in another New York Rules match. The finish made sense, at least in a nonsensical context, because Bryan Clark counted on behalf of Bryan Adams. Knowing WCW, the morons in charge probably flew in the referees before not using them. And if that sounds an awful lot like what is happening in WWE right now, congratulations: you are not as pigsh*t thick as WWE thinks you are.

Uncle Eric grabbed the microphone before the main event segment. He said that, unlike Vince Russo, he likes to “think things through”. At least with Russo, he splattered ideas onto a page in a burst of irrational, inattentive bullsh*t. Bischoff studied these scripts carefully, and still deemed them acceptable, adding only one editorial change:

“I need Kimberly to think I’m hotter in seg. 5.”

In the main event, Ric Flair entered and won a 41-man Battle Royal. To the exact, weirdly specific number, WWE booked this same match in 2011.

Edgy swearing. Convoluted, dumbass matches repeated incessantly. Constant interference. Guest commentary. Wins that simply do not matter. Pathetic, wannabe hard men acting tough. Commentators failing miserably to emulate excitement.

Has…has Eric Bischoff been directing SmackDown Live this entire time?

“It was me, WWE Universe! It was me all along, WWE Universe!”

“Aww, that son of a bitch just loves to entertain!” Michael Cole says in response.

The only difference between Higher Power Eric Bischoff and Higher Power Vince McMahon is that Eric Bischoff will barely f*cking have any in a matter of months.

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Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and surefire Undisputed WWE Universal Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!