What If... Vince McMahon Booked AEW?!

Britt Baker
AEW

Jon Moxley promised "glorious wrestling violence the likes of which the industry hasn't seen in decades" ahead of his match with Kenny Omega at Full Gear 2019, which was a richly detailed video nasty stuffed with as many easter eggs as weapons; before one was wrapped around his face in Baltimore, Omega joked ahead of the match on Dynamite: "What are you gonna do, Jon: chain-wrestle me?"

The match looks completely different with Vince at the helm. "You like Japanese sh*t, don't you Kenny? Here, have a kendo stick. Also, look shocked when the second One-Winged Angel doesn't cut it."

Dr. Britt Baker was the original choice to lead the women's division as babyface. She didn't get over as a babyface, and so, within months, AEW turned her heel. This wouldn't have happened under Vince. We know this from the Roman Reigns push. Vince would have told you that Dr. Britt Baker is a dentist more often under the belief that you didn't get it the first time.

"I was talking to Dr. Britt Baker earlier today," Excalibur would have said, in 2025, "and she told me that earlier than earlier that day, she extracted a decaying molar from a patient's mouth. Because she, you dumb f*cks, is a dentist in addition to a sports entertainer. "She" as in Dr. Britt Baker. My apologies for the pronoun. Even though it is very obvious to whom I'm referring, since I haven't referred to another women's wrestler since talking about her. Britt Baker. F*ck."

Hangman Page can't have been anxious. He's a babyface. He'd have to be a sh*tty stand-up comedian instead. Also: wear a big smile out there, Hanger. You might be despondent at the state of your career, which draws a disillusioned generation of millennial fans to your act, but you're only permitted to look sad when a heel beats you down for eight straight minutes.

Remember the incredible Taz Vs. Sabu-influenced Cody Vs. MJF feud, premised on the idea that the fans could not wait to see Cody get his hands on the little bastard and were willing to pay $50 to watch him get his comeuppance?

CONT'D...(2 of 5)

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Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and current Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!