What If... Vince McMahon Booked AEW?!
Vince, a demented micro-manager, also would have regulated the commentary of Good Ol' JR (who's more Dirty Ol' Man Jr these days). On the December 9, 2022 Rampage, as the Bunny and Penelope Ford made their way to the ring, Tony Schiavone remarked "Those are two creepy gals right there, guys," to which Jim Ross replied "Well, that's one way of putting it. I might not put it that way. I kinda like 'em."
This is something that Ross actually said, and is not a joke made up for the purposes of this article.
This was also a euphemism for "They each are packing a whopping pair of breasts, about which I'm more enthusiastic than any AEW Trios match," and while Vince encouraged Jerry Lawler to reach the vinegar strokes in 1998, this is 2023, pal. You can only objectify women on your own time, when the networks aren't looking. Put it back in your pants, Pronoun Boy.
As for the Wellness Policy, standards and practises, things of that nature, Vince McMahon would have ensured the safety and wellbeing of his performers - chiefly Excalibur’s lung capacity, by not announcing a single f*cking thing in advance.
On the rankings system, Vince might not have abandoned it immediately, but, if the Wild Card Rule is any indication, there's a great chance that he'd have simply ignored the objective results and changed them to enable his whims under the belief that you wouldn't remember. No, you didn't see what you think you saw last week. If I don't care about, you don't either is basically Vince McMahon's entire modus operandi, which collides drastically with the real AEW's fan-service, let's bring wrestling back to the people philosophy.
As exaggerated as some of the above scenarios are - and some might even be too generous to the old, brain-fried despot - there's a pertinent point buried within the snark.
If somebody with Vince McMahon's ideas was given a TV deal and a lot of money today, with the only exception being that this person was starting from scratch, it would never work. The fan-loathing, inscrutable madness would not draw an audience. The thought would be inexplicable.
It is only because Vince McMahon is so entrenched within wrestling that he a fanbase exists to indulge his obnoxious stupidity. Judged on current form and not his past accomplishments, Vince is a complete f*ckwit.
Also: a terrible human being.