WWE: 11 Stars Who Should Never Have Changed Entrance Themes
6. Kane
When you're a seven-foot tall monster who was raised in a basement after your parents were killed in a fire, you'd probably want something menacing and scary for your theme song - and Kane did... for most of his career. But then, in the interest of freshness, it was replaced with another inferior substitution. There was a time in the WWE where it seemed that everyone who had an instrumental theme song suddenly got a new version with lyrics, and this usually didn't work out so well. Sure, it gave Rob Van Dam's theme a bit more energy, but for Kane it just felt goofy. Maybe with all that money he made over the years, Kane decided to hire someone to sing for him; that would seem to go against his character, but how else can you explain the new song? We can only assume he personally enlisted the help of Finger Eleven to perform "Slow Chemical." The band tried, admittedly, but it just sounded kind of emo with lyrics like:
The wonder of the world is gone for sure, All the wonder that I want I found in her.
What? Why would a man who hooked up Shane McMahon's testicles to a car battery, and once set Jim Ross on fire rely on his theme song whining about the pain of a relationship? Who is the woman they're talking about anyway? Lita? Well, there's just too many unanswered questions for this theme that should never have been asked in the first place.
As Rust Cohle from True Detective said "Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you're good at."
Sadly, I can't solve a murder like Rust...or change a tire, or even tie a tie. But I do know all the lyrics to Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme song and can easily name every Natural Born Thriller from the dying days of WCW. I was once ranked 21st in the United States in Tetris...on the Playstation 3 version...for about a week.
Follow along @AndrewSoucek and check out my podcast at wrestlingwithfriends.com
