WWE Money In The Bank 2019: Star Ratings For All 12 Matches
1. Men's Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Delightfully devilish, Vincent, you nasty auld bastard you.
People may have remembered this total war, fondly, as the most brutal match of its genre. The punishment taken by Finn Bálor, in particular, looked outrageously painful: he took two full-on heart-in-mouth bumps, the first of which saw him crack the ladder with such force that he took a second fall to gravity. This was effectively his Homer Simpson-falls-down-the-gorge moment, and then, by draping himself over a ladder having absorbed another sickener over the smallest surface area possible, he also “enjoyed” his Homer Simpson-breaks-his-back-over-a-fire-hydrant moment.
That became the wider theme of an awesome match, criticised in some quarters as a spot-fest: the disgusting nature of those spots was the story. All seven men sacrificed their bodies to an extent never seen even in this psycho tradition, and all men starred in the process. Even the much-maligned Baron Corbin delivered a belter of a choke slam.
And, once all seven men effectively died, big, beaming Brock Lesnar made his way to the ring and cackled as he removed the briefcase from the karabiner, and removed fans further from emotional investment.
Instead, people will remember this as the most recent and crudely hilarious example of Vince’s big Beast fetish—and what a time to get the Kleenex out, Jesus. Fans are turning off in their droves, so let’s give ‘em some classic go-away heat!
Dumb. Painful. Pointless. But funny. And incredible.
Star Rating: ****1/4