WWE RAW Review: A Show That Started Out So Well...

MARK HENRY VS GREAT KHALI This is the rematch we have been waiting for. I was hoping when the WWE billed this match as €œONCE IN A LIFETIME€ that we would be treated to a rematch. Ok, so no one wanted to see this rematch. At this point, The Great Khali has an entire exhibit in the Hall of Pain. Instead of giving a play-by-play of this match, I€™ll instead just type my stream of consciousness while this match happened: €œWow, this is really gonna happen?€ €œDo the Great Khali€™s knees actually bend or are they always straight like one of those rubber wrestling figures from the late 80€™s?€ €œWow, that€™s nice of the Great Khali to just accept his fate of getting World Strongest Slammed and not show any fear or emotion on his face. Good for Khali to help balance himself on Mark€™s knee. Swell guy that Khali is.€ Get Mark Henry in a legit Wrestlemania feud right now. I don€™t want to see him treading water with the Jobbers Union or taking on the Can€™t Dance Bunch (my name for Tensai/Brodus Clay). I want him is some sort of title picture or destroying Randy Orton. Make. It. Happen. MIZ TV FEATURING ALBERTO DEL RIO AND JACK SWAGGER Oh look, Jack Swagger is still on TV. That should put to rest all the people worried that the WWE would bury this just because of a little DUI, a little weed, and some speeding. Ok, so I€™m not trying to minimize how stupid Swagger is for doing such a thing. You should never drink and drive. A fellow stand-up comedian that I knew was recently killed by a drunk driver. Don€™t do it. It€™s not worth it. The WWE needs to throw the book at Swagger once Wrestlemania is over. However, they still have the entire world watching this angle and need to run with it while it is still hot. It really is fascinating how much better Jack Swagger is when he has a mouthpiece to talk for him. I don€™t know why this segment needed to be on Miz TV though. Maybe they hope that some of the hotness of this angle will rub off on the Miz. I was disappointed that they didn€™t trash Glenn Beck a little bit more. Here in America (HELLO BRITISH READERS!), Glenn Beck is essentially the worst thing. A loud mouth pundit who is too much of a coward to actually back up what he says. He also thinks wrestling is real apparently. Kudos to the WWE for towing the line for this angle. What could have easily gone overboard on either side (they are too tame with the angle/too extreme with it) but have found a good medium. Zeb made good points and Del Rio played the role of offended babyface well. I am thoroughly looking forward to this match at Wrestlemania. RANDY ORTON VS ANTONIO CESARO Another pit stop on the €œRandy Orton has nothing planned for Wrestlemania€ road. Cesaro continues to be awesome while Randy Orton continues to float through space in the WWE€™s Phantom Zone. Is Orton ever going to go for the US title or does he just like beating the champion? If they want Randy Orton to be bumped down to US Champion, that€™s fine, but you know, actually have him go for the title. This match was good. I also liked the explanation for Cesaro not wearing knee-pads was because he was €œa throwback.€ That means next week on the Old School RAW he should dominate everyone, right? My only main complaint with the match was the finish. If you know Randy Orton likes to RKO people €œOUTTA NOWHERE!€, why would you try an attack that would lead to €œOUTTA NOWHERE.€ Cesaro jumps off the top rope and just soars towards Orton. I know they like that Orton can hit the move out of any position but c€™mon, you aren€™t going to top the Evan Bourne RKO. Stop trying to do it.

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Contributor

I'm a 31 year old writer and stand-up comedian from the good ol' USA. I graduated from the University of Southern Indiana with a degree in Communications that I use to to write jokes on the internet. I'm an avid gamer, media consumer, and pro wrestling fan. I'm also the co-host of the podcast Pop Culture Pizza Party, available on iTunes and Spotify