WWE: The Cause Of, And Solution To, All Of Life’s Problems

Lana Bobby Lashley Rusev

The show's main event, for starters.

The Royal Rumble go-home edition of the flagship didn't degenerate into a roster-wide brawl as the red brand raced off the air, but instead caused commentator Vic Joseph to ponder how annoying Lana would be on social media after 'The Ravishing Russian' and partner Bobby Lashley emerged victorious over Rusev and Liv Morgan for the umpteenth time.

An angle that somehow peaked at its lowest point, the love square (or however the f*ck they framed it) wasn't going to get better or worse than the half hour wedding that closed out WWE's entire decade on the last Raw of 2019. There was an interesting push and pull here between Paul Heyman and Vince McMahon. Heyman's used these big broad angles as a way to hide his good booking in plain sight before, but this was a reminder of where the power still lay. On Heyman's Raw, that gets five wild minutes instead of 30, but on Vince McMahon's Raw as steered by Paul Heyman, it's tacked on as the show's headliner, erasing some of the excellent work done before.

Even within one show, WWE presents a version of itself that's easy to adore yet almost always offers something so useless that defending or explaining it to your friends or colleagues is futile. It's broad b*llocks, yet it's somehow too convoluted to explain to outsiders. The unflappable highs of yesteryear are harpooned in the modern era, by McMahon wielding his giant content gun. But more hours equals more dollars and the fiend gets fed.

Speaking of which...



We Need To Talk About Kevin (Nash). Michael can be found in articles or on podcasts extolling the virtues of New Generation WWF, New Japan Pro Wrestling or the new WWE angle they definitely definitely won’t ruin this time.