John Cena has about three distinct ways of cutting a promo: 1) childish nonsense that only he and Vince McMahon find funny, 2) The sweet spot where he really can be effective at making people want to see his upcoming match and 3) Obnoxious preacher mode. Cena his all of those levels on Monday setting up his match at Hell in a Cell with Orton. To get ready for the most dangerous match in WWE, a match that supposedly ends careers (though hasnt for anyone, except for referee Tim White) he told Orton to shut his Cruddy pie hole. Mick Foley was probably openly weeping backstage when he heard that one. Cena also did an old man impression where he talked about Orton riding a Nickelodeon. Um, John, a nickelodeon wasnt a mode of transformation. It was a player piano. Then in his next sentence he told Orton how stupid he is. I doubt he realized how ridiculous that was. If only Lou Thesz were still around to show this whippersnapper a thing or two about manners!
As Rust Cohle from True Detective said "Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you're good at."
Sadly, I can't solve a murder like Rust...or change a tire, or even tie a tie. But I do know all the lyrics to Hulk Hogan's "Real American" theme song and can easily name every Natural Born Thriller from the dying days of WCW. I was once ranked 21st in the United States in Tetris...on the Playstation 3 version...for about a week.
Follow along @AndrewSoucek and check out my podcast at wrestlingwithfriends.com
