The Hype: In fairness, there was always a healthy air of skepticism surrounding a Michael Bay-produced, live-action Turtles film, and rightly so. Still, with a steady stream of amusing trailers, it seemed like hack director Jonathan Liebesman might actually pull off a fun if unconventional update of the classic franchise, and Megan Fox seemed like a surprisingly decent fit despite her much-complained about casting as reporter April O'Neil. The Reality: Sadly, the final result succumbs to Bay's worst creative instincts (even though, bear in mind, he didn't write the script): product placement runs rampant, and there's some creepily crude sexual humour, as Michelangelo makes constant references to how much he wants to bang April ("she's so hot I can feel my shell tightening"). Throw in a woefully forgettable plot, an abusive misuse of the brilliant William Fichtner in the villain role, and only one single decent action sequence, and it's a recipe for a complete disaster of a Hollywood blockbuster. To its credit, the voice work of the Turtles is rock-solid, and Will Arnett is hilarious as April's cameraman Vernon, but on the whole it just doesn't even begin to live up to the fun of its source material.
Stay at home dad who spends as much time teaching his kids the merits of Martin Scorsese as possible (against the missus' wishes).
General video game, TV and film nut. Occasional sports fan. Full time loon.
