9. House of the Dead (2003)
Uwe Boll is the sort of filmmaker whose very existence enrages wannabe writers and directors everywhere. The fact that somebody with so little talent and zero self-awareness has somehow ended up making movies with the kind of budgets that aspiring filmmakers would kill to utilise is a depressing thought. It's no wonder that House of the Dead, a zombie movie helmed by Boll, isn't the least bit scary, but the fact that he got to make it still smarts. How did it go so freakin' wrong? As bad as every single solitary aspect of House of the Dead is, it's absolutely laughable in the "scary" department. Based on the video game of the same name (though it has absolutely nothing in common with that at all), it's the sort of movie you'd make with your friends on that camping trip when you were fourteen: teenagers go to party on an island and are confronted a bunch of zombies. Still, that's been made scary before, although Boll fails to create even one moment of either tension or fear or (let's face it) logic. It's so laborious that it could very well be an wry instructional video as "how not to make a horror movie for beginners."