The best Elves and Nazis movie ever shot in Colorado (in 1989, anyway), Elves stars Grizzly Adams himself, Dan Haggerty, as a homeless ex-cop who realizes that elves are in fact Nazi genetic experiments whose leader will mate with a virgin on Christmas Eve to produce the leader of the Fourth Reich. As is explained in The Book of Revelation. What he doesnt know is that the virgin in question is kindly waitress Kirsten, who when shes not drawing naked chicks with Art deco boobs or having her ablutions interrupted by her potty-mouthed brother, is being knocked around by her Nazi grandpa, who is also her father. Gramps, you see, impregnated his own daughter to sire Kirsten, whose destiny is to produce a master race of Nazi Elves. Theres ideas and (intentionally?) funny dialogue to spare in this overlooked oddity, whose labyrinthine (some might say tasteless) plot is credited to three writers.
Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'
