10 Horror Movies That Were So Unscary It Actually Hurt

2. White Noise (2005)

This film has a 9% rating on Rotten Tomatoes which speaks volumes about its calibre as a scary movie. That is - it is not at all scary. Michael Keaton plays an architect who is trying to contact his dead wife from the grave and thus encounters all sorts of supernatural shenanigans which are so uninvolving, it is enough to send you into a very deep sleep. I caught this stinker at the cinema and I would actually have had a freakier time watching Test Card F for two hours. The film is repetitive beyond belief and features a 'twist' in the plot which my cockatiels could spot coming. The whole idea of EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) had potential for frights but was clumsily handled by the director until it was just a confusing mess. Above all, it commits the ultimate crime of being boring. It relies on loud noises for its frights and this sort of tomfoolery has never worked for me. Plus, we are so removed from what is going on in the film, we couldn't give a fig about Michael Keaton's demise, and if you don't care about a horror movie 'hero', the film must be pretty lame and non frightening. A sequel was made but I declare under the aegis of international human rights law that I am legally allowed to live a life without torture and will therefore avoid this film.