5. John Carter - John Carter
Forget about the underwhelming and relatively dull movie experience that was
John Carter for a minute, and just think about the character. John Carter the man. John Carter the former Confederate soldier who finds himself accidently teleported to Mars. Try to think of way to describe him without saying that he's tormented, 'cause we're told that outright at the beginning. You can't really, can you? Director Andrew Stanton gave us barely anything to work with - a paper-thin character who looks handsome and lacks a personality of any kind. The story behind John Carter warranted a character who we could get into bed with (not literally, of course - although any females reading might dispute that notion). The concept is relatively insane, and Disney wanted a hero would could lead their next franchise - you know, something akin to
Pirates of the Caribbean. So why did they cast the dull and "not very good at acting" actor Taylor Kitsch? Where was the reasoning there? I read a John Carter novel when I was a teenager, and I wanted to
be John Carter. I just wanted to slap Kitsch.