4. The Poltergeist Ghosts
When the settlers came to America they killed a lot of Indians in the process. When we said "Manifest destiny!" and claimed that it was God's will to conquer this nation from sea to shining sea, we killed any of those who got in the way. President Andrew Jackson had a particularly hateful penchant for moving them around like pieces on a Monopoly board, not caring who was hurt or killed in the process. We called them Indians and today call them Native Americans Indians because why? We realized, oh yeah they were here first. So, as if us trampling all over their culture, history, and land throughout time wasn't enough, Lewis Teague decided to build a beautiful California suburban neighborhood on top of an ancient Indian burial ground. Talk about a slap in the face. So how can we make this right? With Casinos? Please. Here's a fact, Indians need hugs. In fact, Indians DESERVE hugs. No amount of money is going to settle the upset ghosts of ancient Native America. We have made them
cry for hundreds of years now and it's time to take that back. With hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. We're not going to be able to reverse over three hundred years of racism and slaughter with just a few hugs but by God we won't stop until we've hugged every last upset spirit that comes out of our television sets. (Including Samara, who is apparently an honorary Indian in this circumstance.)