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10 Movies You Hate For The Wrong Reasons

9. Fifty Shades Of Grey

Universal

Why You Hate It: Because it's howlingly lame Twilight fan fiction somehow optioned into a movie series by Hollywood, starring actors with zero sexual chemistry, forced to act out awkward, badly choreographed sex scenes and somehow even more awkward melodrama. This all applies to the entire trilogy of movies, by the way.

Why You Should Hate It: It's fair to say that most of Fifty Shades' haters haven't even seen the movies, but the real source of frustration lies not with the laughable script or nonsense plot, but the fact it doesn't even function as a basically arousing skin flick.

The nudity is shockingly tame compared to the books, opting for strictly softcore nudity, allowing Jamie Dornan to maintain his modesty but denying audiences what they really came to see.

If these films at least committed to basically being "blockbuster porn" and gave audiences all the lingering genitalia shots and ridiculous sex the book promised, then it'd be harder to dismiss it as quite such a cynical piece of garbage.

The irony, of course, is that Universal actively sanitised the films to appeal to more middle-of-the-road, repressed tastes.

Despite the kinky, graphic nature of the books, apparently seeing it play out in the flesh would be too squirm-inducing for red-faced housewives.

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Contributor
Contributor

Stay at home dad who spends as much time teaching his kids the merits of Martin Scorsese as possible (against the missus' wishes). General video game, TV and film nut. Occasional sports fan. Full time loon.