6. Tween Domination
There was a time when the target audience was clearer. There were your men, who wanted action and violence and sex. So Hollywood gave us Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. There were the women, who wanted romance and love triangles. So Hollywood gave them period pieces, Kate Hudson, Ryan Reynolds, Matthew McConaughey, and Channing Tatum. Kids wanted toons, so Pixar and Dreamworks covered that base. Teens wanted fun, so the horror genre became a natural draw. But no one saw this coming. The tween. Those prepubescent girls with braces, smart phones, and the insatiable need to text, tweet, Instagram, and tag every single thing they do especially if it has something to do with Justin Bieber's and Selena Gomez's relationship or Taylor Swift's numerous affairs. They love two things. Boy bands and attractive supernatural beings, preferably vampires or werewolves. I'm surprised they haven't combined the two to make a super vampire/werewolf boy band. Producers would make billions. It'd definitely make for a franchise to fill in the gap that "Twilight" has left with its final installment released this past month. But tweens are also one of the reasons we hate mainstream cinema. Because of the tween, we have to deal hundreds of teenage girls in the theater texting and tweeting away as they pick the Milk Duds out of their braces. Because of the tween, we must now face the inevitable wave of vampire/werewolf/witch/wizard/fantasy book adaptations that will hit the theaters over the next several years. Just don't watch them, you say? We won't, but it's the ripple effect that we must watch out for. If the wave continues, then not only will the tween survive and thrive, they'll multiply and our children and their children will be at a higher risk. We can't let that happen. We need smart films with good story lines and thought provoking commentaries to pervade the theaters, to educate the masses, to save what's left of our souls. The tween doesn't care about logical plots or good acting as long as the guys are cute and the main girl is attractive, but not too attractive, so they can imagine themselves as her. When you go to the theater to watch the latest from Scorsese or Nolan and you see groups of girls with their heads down staring at their smart phones, be safe and just walk away.